My Life Is Good.

Over the past few months, I've come to appreciate the current state of my social life rather than hate it. I'm not in any cliques that I'm aware of, I don't fit into the mold of the social circles around me, and I'm certainly not one of the popular people. Never have been.

It doesn't sound all that great, but I'm pretty satisfied with that right now.

One friend told me a while ago that they saw something in me that wouldn't have been there were I part of a clique-type group. That I was special in my own right and didn't need to change to fit other people's standards.

Even though I've sometimes wanted to change. I've wanted to seek approval of those popular people around me; I wanted to "fit in". I made an effort to do all of that a few years ago. I thought I'd be happier that way, or I'd have more friends, or whatever the case may be.
And you know what? I thought I was content, for all of a week. Probably less than that if I'm being honest. In the end, I realized it wasn't worth it. At all. It didn't really work to begin with, and even if it had, I don't think my facade would have lasted very long, because when I tried to impress others, I wasn't myself and I wasn't all that happy. I didn't even have as much fun with those people as I thought I would. It changed my personality to an extent, and I didn't like what I'd become because it was so fake.

Another friend and I were talking last night, and they told me this:
"Once you run in the crowd, you just feel the need to get out."
It really is true, at some point. Some people are able to "run in the crowd" longer than others but I'm sure the pressure gets to even the best of us. I don't believe that you can truly be yourself and be the picture that every other person expects of you at the same time.

When I look back at myself, trying to "fit in", I realized that the only thing that had changed at all was me. Everything else in my life was more or less the same, but I wasn't as happy as I could have been.


Right now, I'm still a slightly awkward, accident-prone girl. I still enjoy really odd things that nobody's ever heard of, I'm one of a few girls I know who loves video games and sci-fi, can't stand Twilight, and I generally throw the current stereotype of a high school girl out the window.

Right now, I have an amazing group of friends that I love, and we have the best times together no matter what, and I don't feel like I have to change or compromise a single thing about me in order for our friendships to exist.

My life is good.

God is Good (ALL the time)!!

April 16, 2009

This isn't the first thought I had today about what to write in my blog, but something huge happened yesterday that I have to share:

For my American Lit class, one of the projects last quarter was a lengthy book review that counted towards the large portion of my total grade. I was out sick most of the week it was due, and was able to come in that Friday for the book forums and talk about my book. My teacher gave me a grace period of a few days to get my work in, however late, and I gratefully turned my report in the second I got to school on the morning it was due.

Several personal matters came up in between that morning last month and yesterday, and my teacher had other classes that were turning in massive papers, so I didn't push the issue of getting my paper back immediately. However, I had a chance to ask her yesterday about where it was, and to my surprise and shock she responded that she never received it.
At this point I was crushed. I felt like my heart had stopped beating, and I couldn't see through the wall of tears I was unsuccessfully hiding.

I went to the library for study hall, completely upset and wondering why God would put this in front of me now. My wonderful librarian told me that God would work things through, and there's a reason for this happening to me even though I didn't know it yet. She said she'd be praying for me and knew God would work everything out for good. I calmed down and realized that I knew this already; I just needed someone else to tell me the same thing. I internally told God that I would let him handle it, and since I can't change the past, I would trust God with the future.

At the end of study hall, I was walking back to my locker when I heard a loud "Katherine!" from my American Lit room. My teacher told me to check my locker, so I quickly went to it and pulled off a note taped to it. The note was from my teacher, telling me that she gave me the benefit of the doubt and looked through her filing cabinet again, and found my report clipped to the back of another document. I was completely estatic as I hurried back to the library. The librarian looked surprised to see me, but I had a huge smile on my face and explained what had just happened. She smiled back at me and said that she was just praying for me but didn't think that God was *that* fast.

The rest of that day was wonderful – I didn't have any homework, I understood the math problems immediately, I had a great lunchtime with friends, and most importantly, I had (and continue to have) a renewed strength and trust in God and his mercies.

The renewed faith did not come from my teacher finding the paper, but from my resolution to let God handle my problems - even if nothing had turned out the way it did.

Holy Thought Process, Batman!

April 14, 2009

Jesus is like Batman. :D

"Wait, whoa...what?" you tell me. "Jesus isn't like Batman! Batman is a superhero!"

By now you're thinking I've completely lost it and should be dropped off at the nearest psychiatric ward. But before you pull out the hug-me vest and the pretty room of soft clouds, let me explain myself.

No, Jesus doesn't go running around in a cape, and no, Batman doesn't perform miracles. However, they share quite a few things in common:

1. Both Jesus and Batman have loving fathers that they look to as an example, and they both want to do what their fathers had in store for them. Batman grew up wealthy and privileged and able to be in all the right circles. Jesus is the Son of God. It doesn't get more privileged than that. He had angels attending to him in heaven, and whatever he asked for was granted immediately.

2 Corinthians 8:9
"For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich."

2. Batman decided he was going to conceal his identity and become an unknown, poor, and sometimes publicly hated person, even though his motives and actions were to oppose injustice and portray good.
Jesus sometimes told his followers to keep quiet about who he was. He didn't want to bring attention to his identity until the right time, but rather let his life be an example of the message he portrayed.

Mark 8:29-30
"But what about you?" he asked. "Who do you say I am?"
Peter answered, "You are the Christ."
Jesus warned them not to tell anyone about him.

3. Both Batman and Jesus did things that their friends didn't understand.
Batman's friends and allies didn't understand why he had to fight for justice and truth instead of just letting the police handle it. They didn't know the reason for letting Batman take the blame and anger of the city upon himself. The disciples never understood until afterwards the reasons behind why Jesus, a blameless man, had to die a horrible death. They didn't know the reason behind Jesus taking all our sins and faults upon himself.

Ephesians 5:1-2
"Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children, and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."

A Day in the Life

April 13, 2009
I stayed up until 2AM last night, finishing a paper for my American Lit class. I had to write three pages on what I considered the most important virtue, and I changed my topic at least three times. I looked up a passage in the Bible, the one where Jesus feeds an enormous crowd of people from a meal for two, then gathers it up in baskets and has plenty left. I've heard it in Sunday School and my classes numerous times, but in the context of my topic, the verse was completely different to me, and felt like I'd never seen it before. After this miracle (I read it in Mark), Jesus was talking to his disciples, getting them to remember the two miracles, and says "Don't you understand?"

I realized at that moment, that Jesus was not simply performing a miracle for the sake of the hungry people, but for the disciples as well. God is great like that. The disciples had seen Jesus perform many miracles before – healing the sick/crippled, raising the dead, walking on water – so by this point they probably took it for granted that yes, Jesus was awesome, and yes, he could do powerful things. I guess if you've seen someone being brought back to life, then doing multiplication with food would rank below that on the "awesomeness scale". And then just when things become mundane again, God throws a curveball your way and says "See what I did there?" Jesus didn't have to gather up the leftover food; everyone was sated and content. However, I think he was showing the disciples the importance of not wasting, not only food, but resources in general.

Again, God is a pretty cool guy. If you ask, he can give you just what you need, when you need it, and that can equate to giving to you in abundance and then telling you not to waste it. It's a pretty good lesson to give. I'd like to think that the disciples kept this in mind when they were casting nets with no success, and Jesus made it rain fish on their boat and nearly overturn it. …Okay, suppose I exaggerated a bit. I don't think it actually rained fish. That would be gross and wet, and not everyone enjoys the smell of 'essence of fish'. However, Jesus made all the fish go into the nets, and that still gets points on the awesomeness scale. I'd also like to think the disciples had a huge fish fry on the beach that night, invited the whole town, and sent everyone home with extras. :)